


Let Me Go

by DGCatAniSiri



Series: Secrets-verse [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 18:56:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1828699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Given the Finn/Puck breakup, Kurt feels like it may be an opportunity for him to woo Finn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> Still AU, take this as this universe's answer to the argument in 'Theatricality.'

Three months of agony. At least, that was what it had seemed like to Finn. Somehow, the three months since Puck had broken his heart had progressed so slowly. He had to deal with Puck every day at Glee practice (admittedly, he mostly ‘dealt’ with Puck by avoiding him as much as was possible), and seeing him just drove it home harder. It hadn’t hurt this bad when he’d learned that Quinn had been with him. Some part of him wondered if he’d forgiven Quinn because he’d understood Puck’s irresistible nature.

And yet, the three months had been fast in another way, namely all the changes happening around Finn. Rachel was apparently rebounding with that ex-Vocal Adrenaline guy, Jesse St. James, who had transferred to McKinley so suddenly, everyone in the club except Rachel seemed to suspect him of spying on them. They just couldn’t prove it. 

And then there was big change number two. His mother had begun dating Burt Hummel. It was unsettling for Finn, especially with Kurt taking every opportunity to ‘bond’ with him, as if they were already brothers. Kurt was a nice guy, but there was something else in the way that he came after Finn, as if he were hoping for something more, as if the fact that Finn had been dating Puck meant that, now that they were broken up, Finn would start dating him. 

Things were complicated for Finn. The simple truth was, he wasn’t sure of much anymore. In the past, he had always used his relationships with others as his rock, his anchor, what kept him grounded. It had been his mother, until he met Noah. Noah had become Puck, and he had stayed Finn’s anchor. Then they’d discovered girls and Puck had started moving away and Finn had gotten together with Quinn, and she began to anchor Finn, but he still had looked to Puck for his idea of what was ‘normal’ when it came to his life. Then ‘baby-gate’ had happened and he and Puck had become more. He’d always had a rock, and now... Now there was nothing.

Two of his three rocks had left him, three of four if he counted ‘Noah’ and ‘Puck’ as two different people, which, truth to tell, there were days that it seemed like it. And his mother didn’t really count, since she had carried and raised him, which meant there hadn’t really been a choice with her. He supposed he could use the Glee club for his stability, but Puck was still a part of the club, which made things awkward at best with them. Not the best grounding for a rock. 

This was what was he was considering as he played another round of Halo. The game just wasn’t as fun without someone to play it with. Kurt was at the Hudson home at the moment while their parents were on a late date, but Finn had figured that Kurt wouldn’t be interested in shooter games. He’d been right. Finn had offered to show him how to play, but Kurt had just given him a strained ‘oh you silly boy’ smile and turned him down. Quinn, who was still living with the Hudsons even after baby-gate, was out bonding with some of the girls, who had arranged a sleepover for the night, not wanting to interrupt Carole’s date by having her deal with the mother of the baby fathered by Carole’s son’s ex. 

When had Finn’s life become a soap opera?

Right now, Finn wanted nothing more than to have Puck with him so that they could guess what was happening there and pretend it was something over-the-top sexy because girls and pajamas and pillows always meant pillow fights in the minds of sixteen year old boys. 

Even as he played, though, Finn couldn’t help but think of Puck. This had been their game. And Puck would have mocked him incessantly for calling it that. Finally, he sighed in exasperation, tossed the controller aside, and flopped back on the bed, wincing at the familiar creak. He really did need a bigger bed. 

Not having Puck around, not as his boyfriend and not as his friend, was hard on Finn. They’d been friends for so long, Finn couldn’t think of a time before now when he and Puck weren’t. It was just wrong, he wasn’t wired to think of Puck NOT being there for him to turn to and talk to. Just as much as he missed the person he’d fallen in love with, he also missed the best friend he’d ever had. But since he could barely look at Puck without wanting to punch his face in, he wasn’t exactly able to talk to his best friend.

So, with no boyfriend to lean on and no best friend to talk to, Finn just kept playing, trying to lose himself in the game.

He didn’t know how much later it was when he smelled something cooking. It wasn’t that bad smelling, actually. Curiosity drove him to head downstairs to the kitchen. What he found was surprising. Kurt had apparently gone all out and created a full course meal. There were candles involved. Thinking back, he had wondered about the bag that Kurt had brought with him. He hadn’t given it much thought, though, since Kurt often had a lot of things in his bag.

“Wow,” he said.

Kurt looked to him with a smile. “Oh, good. I was about to come up and get you. Dinner is served. I had to make do with what I had on hand, but I whipped up a rather fantastic pasta tortellini for us to enjoy. We’ll have to make do with water instead of sparkling cider, given the rather lackluster variety of drinks here, but I still think it will be tres magnifique!” 

Finn blinked, trying to process that. Kurt had come to his house. Made dinner. Made one of his favorite foods, in fact. Lit candles. And his mom had mentioned that he’d introduced their parents. Finn knew he wasn’t the smartest tool in the shed, but even he couldn’t deny all the signs. Kurt was practically shouting ‘we should date!’ in a megaphone with the words in bold caps and neon lighting behind him.

On the one hand, it was flattering that someone wanted to be with him. He’d really had his fill of people saying they wanted to be with him while still going out and making out and sleeping with someone else. On the other... This was a little freaky. Beyond Glee and Kurt’s brief time on the football team, they really hadn’t interacted. He didn’t know Kurt that well beyond what he’d seen of him in Glee club. 

Before he could really process the idea, Kurt pulled him to the table and sat him down. “I worked hard on this, so please, be honest about it.” Kurt placed himself uncomfortably close to Finn. Finn tried to summon a smile. It came out as a grimace. Kurt took it as encouragement as he looked to Finn expectantly.

It took him a minute to realize that Kurt really did want him to try the food. Finn picked up a fork and took a bite. It was good. REALLY good. Some of the best he’d had, and he’d had plenty of tortellini over the years. But Finn realized something else – saying that would probably just encourage Kurt. And the last thing Kurt needed was encouragement. Not given the way that he’d been eyeing Finn ever since... Well, since he and Puck had broken up. Maybe before that, even.

So he opted for a small white lie. “Not bad. Mom makes it better though.”

Kurt’s face flickered, but that smile came right back. The more he smiled at Finn, the more uncomfortable Finn got. And Kurt didn’t seem to be able to read body language. “As I said, some concessions had to be made for the available ingredients, but I did try to follow her recipe as closely as possible.” 

The dinner continued with several repeated attempts at conversation from Kurt and several uncomfortable responses from Finn. Finally, though, it was over. Finn hoped that it had been enough to get Kurt to just back off.

He’d underestimated him. As Finn started edging towards the stairs, Kurt finished putting the dishes in the sink and turned to him with that grin again. “Well. Since our parents are still out, I propose we watch a movie.”

Shoot me now...

Kurt returned to his bag, fishing out a handful of DVDs. Finn didn’t even want to look at them, afraid of what he’d see. But Kurt seemed more than happy to fill him in. “What should we watch first? I’ve got a fine variety of the classics. I have ‘Singing in the Rain,’ ‘Wizard of Oz,’ ‘Sound of Music’... Whatever you want!”

Maybe it had been the closeness to Puck had caused his shorter temper and more outspoken and aggressive nature rub off, but Finn had reached his limit, causing him to glare angrily at Kurt, an expression that was very much not a usual thing for him, but at this point, the only way to get the point across. “What I want is to just go back upstairs and play my video games, all right?”

Kurt blinked, that not having been the response that he’d been hoping for. “Uh... okay. I suppose we could do that for a little while. Are you sure you don’t want-?”

Anger building at his refusal to get the point, Finn cut him off. “No, Kurt. When I say that I want to play video games, I mean I want to play them alone. As in, not with you.” If that didn’t hammer it home, he figured, nothing would.

The smile on Kurt’s face crumpled. “I’m sorry?”

“No you’re not. All night, you’ve been trying to get close to me, to... what, become my boyfriend?”

Kurt got a wounded look on his face. “I just... I thought that since you and Puck were broken up...”

“What, that because I’d been dating Puck, now that we’re broken up, I’m going to become your boyfriend, because... what, there’s no other gay kid at McKinley?”

“That’s not... I’m not...” Kurt sputtered, but that was about the extent of what he got out in his defense.

“You can’t even deny it!” This had apparently been building inside of Finn for some time now. “Kurt, look, I’m not interested in you like that. I wasn’t when I was straight, and I’m not now. So just... back off, please!”

There was silence in the Hudson household as the words seemed to echo. Seeing the crushed look on Kurt’s face, Finn fought with his first instinct to apologize, find a way to make him feel better, but he knew that was just going to send a mixed message. Kurt turned away and back into the kitchen with his bag. Feeling like he’d just kicked a puppy, Finn went back upstairs and picked up the controller.

It was a good hour later before he came back down. He’d sucked at Halo, having been too busy thinking about how he’d so visibly crushed Kurt. Kurt was watching Sound of Music, hugging a pillow to his chest as the kids were singing about their favorite things.

Finn wasn’t quiet as he approached the couch and Kurt clearly heard him approach. “I always watch this movie when I get depressed. I used to watch it with my mother.” He didn’t look back to Finn, but his voice was solid enough that he apparently had gotten all the tears and sadness out in the last hour.

“Kurt... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that.”

But Kurt shook his head. “No... I wouldn’t have gotten the message otherwise. I... I didn’t want to. I wanted to be with you so much, I wouldn’t have accepted it any other way.”

Taking the statement as an olive branch, Finn moved around and sat down next to him. “So...”

“So... You were right. I was... trying to make this night into some... fantastic first date for the two of us. I just... wanted us to be together. You... you were nice to me, Finn, even before Glee. So I made myself think that we might have something. And when you and Puck broke up, I... I thought it was supposed to be our chance, that now that you two weren’t together, it was our turn.” He gave a lame smile. “Foolish, right?”

Finn’s first thought was ‘yeah, duh.’ He didn’t say it, knowing that it was one of the last things that he should say at the moment. “It... was kinda. Kurt... Just because Puck and I were dating...” Finn still wasn’t sure if he was gay just because of all of his feelings towards Puck when he still noticed girls, still thought about them, even if his masturbation fantasies now included guys (built like Puck and looking a lot like him), though, of course, the word had flown around the school. “Kurt, we don’t really have anything in common, other than Glee. Even if we had started something... Why would we have stayed together?”

The way Kurt mulled that over, it seemed to be the first time he’d ever really given the matter thought. “I... don’t know. I guess... I guess I just thought that... It would all work out somehow.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I was really being stupid, wasn’t I?”

Rather than answer that, Finn gave Kurt a supportive smile. “You wanted to be able to have a boyfriend. I get it. I just... I’m not in to you like that. There’s someone out there for you, Kurt. Someone who’ll be into things like musicals and... and other stuff.” Finn realized that he didn’t really know a lot about Kurt’s interests. 

And Kurt didn’t know about his. It seemed to really dawn on Kurt in that moment that he and Finn were two very different people who could be friends but had nothing to tie them together on a romantic level. “Thanks for that vote of confidence... I’m sorry, Finn. I really am. I was out of line tonight.”

“It’s cool, Kurt, really. I’m sorta flattered, you know. That you would want to... be with me. I’m just-”

Kurt cut him off. “Yes, I think we’ve pretty much established that by now. No need to beat the dead horse.” He took a moment, studying Finn closely. “Besides, I don’t think I would have had a chance even if you did think of me like that.”

Now Finn was confused. “Huh?”

But Kurt just gave him a knowing smile. “Finn, you still love Puck.”

“Well, yeah, but-” Finn didn’t realize what he’d said until it was already out of his mouth. Did he just admit to still being in love with Puck? The guy who had betrayed his trust by making out with Santana? The guy who didn’t bother to learn the definition of ‘monogamy,’ no matter who he was dating? The guy with the... really amazing chest Finn had quickly come to love running his tongue across and the kisses that made him light-headed and who could do this really incredible thing with his tongue... 

As the realization dawned on him, Kurt smirked. “Mercedes tried to warn me before I came over, but I wouldn’t listen.” 

“I... How did you...?”

“Finn, we can all see it. You keep looking at him during practice. You want him back.”

That much certainly was true. Hadn’t Finn been thinking to himself how he wanted to have Puck back earlier before dinner? But he knew that it wasn’t that easy – he still had that image of Puck, Santana draped over him, their lips locked together, burned into his brain, and it wasn’t going away just because he wanted to have Puck back in his life in some way.

Kurt continued, again not seeing Finn’s mental troubles with what he was saying. “I mean, I don’t know why. He’s crass and rude, he’s betrayed your friendship and broken your heart... but we’ve all seen that you aren’t over him.”

_But I should be._ The thought was the rational side of Finn’s mind speaking up. The other half of his brain shot it an angry glare. _Where have_ YOU _been all this time?_

“If you guys see it...”

“If you’re wondering if Puck has, I doubt it. He obviously doesn’t care about you the way you do him. And, okay, maybe that was some of my jealousy still talking, but, Finn, really. You could do so much better than him, find someone who actually respects you. We’re still talking about the same person who slept with your girlfriend and got her pregnant. That really should tell you where you stand with him. He doesn’t care about you the way you do him.” 

It should have been enough to tell him that Puck was nothing resembling someone deserving of the feelings that he had for the other guy. It really should have. Puck had first betrayed their friendship by sleeping with Quinn, then broke his heart. What had he done to deserve these feelings?

But... “Kurt, don’t talk about him like that.” Kurt’s mouth snapped shut. “Look, I get it. You don’t like Puck. But just because you don’t doesn’t give you the right to trash talk him like this.” Kurt seemed properly abashed, as if he’d thought going over why Puck made for a crappy boyfriend would have been enough to get Finn to get over him and realizing that it wasn’t happening.

Although he’d been saying things that were true, Finn couldn’t let go of Puck. With the thought really smacking him in the fact with Kurt’s actions tonight, he was realizing that he couldn’t picture life without Puck. Not as a boyfriend but just life without Puck in it. 

“I’m sorry.” Kurt’s words startled Finn out of his thoughts. “I... It’s hard to just give up on something you think is love. And, yes, I know that I only was in love with the idea of having you as my boyfriend... I’m sorry. For all of it, the pushing and prodding, the... silly dinner, setting up our parents...” 

“If it helps any, your dad makes my mom happy. Even if we’re not getting together, you did something good for them.” It WAS nice seeing his mom happy. At least someone in the Hudson home had found happiness. 

Both boys were quiet and just let the movie still playing continue. The nuns had just asked the Reverend Mother for forgiveness and the Von Trapps were crossing the mountains as Carole and Burt returned. It took a while, but eventually the Hummel’s left, Burt promising to call her later. 

Carole smiled as she closed the door. “It certainly was nice of Kurt to make dinner for the both of you.” She said it with that parental skill of saying several things in what should be a perfectly innocuous sentence. 

Deciphering parent talk wasn’t high on Finn’s list of pastimes, though. “Yeah, it was.”

When Finn seemed to just let that be the end of it, Carole fixed him with a Look. “Finn. Is there anything I should know about between you two?”

Finn reflexively sputtered at the thought, at the idea of him and Kurt being ‘together’ together, even though a good chunk of his night had been spent on the subject. “N-no! Mom, why would you think that?”

“Finn, don’t treat me like a fool. I saw the way he was looking at you when Burt and I left, and...” She held up a plate from the sink. “This dinner was not just ‘two teenage boys hanging out.’ I’m inclined to call it ‘romantic dinner for two.’ So answer my question, please.”

“Mom, there’s nothing going on between me and Kurt. Honest. He just... wanted there to be something.”

She nodded in understanding. “I had a feeling there was something else about him introducing me and Burt. I don’t regret it, but I thought... Well. You spent tonight... setting him straight, so to speak?”

Finn nodded. “Yeah. He gets it now.” 

His mother seemed willing to let that be the end of that topic. She returned her attention to the dishes in the sink. “Have you spoken with Noah lately?” she asked, just casually enough to sound like it was just a question. But there was an undercurrent of... something in her voice. 

“No.” Finn knew there was something more to her question, but he didn’t want to talk even more about Puck. Right now, he just needed think about... about everything.

But Carole wasn’t quite finished with the topic. “You know, I spoke with Noah’s mother the other day. She’s concerned about him. She thinks that he might be having some trouble he’s not talking about.” Even Finn was able to pick up on what she was hinting at. It was nice to hear that Puck wasn’t able to get over him so easily either. So maybe... maybe there was a chance.

***

For the first time in a long while, Finn was looking forward to Glee that afternoon, hoping that maybe he and Puck could move past this, that if they both still loved each other, they might be able to give it another go, get it right this time. That feeling lasted until the soul-crushing performance from Vocal Adrenaline, complete with leading man Jesse St. James back on their side. The entire club was in a funk due to that, and not even the thought that Puck still felt something for him could completely drag Finn out of it.

While Shue was giving a lecture about all of that ‘rise above, turn the other cheek’ stuff, Finn and Puck’s eyes met. For the moment, the hatchet was buried and they both had the same idea – get back at the bastards.

That night, they slashed the tires of each and every range rover belonging to Vocal Adrenaline. And they did so with glee.

By the time that they ran from the parking lot, they were giggling like they were kids again, back before they’d had sex, before Finn and Quinn had begun dating... even before the mohawk. For a brief moment, everything between them was gone and they were Finn and Puck, best friends since ever forever again.

They rounded a corner, still grinning like idiots. Their eyes met for a moment... and they were on each other. Puck’s lips slid from Finn’s mouth to his neck, intending to give him the mother of all hickies, reclaiming his boy after so much time away from him.

As amazing as it was to feel Puck hard against him again – and Finn had absolutely no complaints about it whatsoever – there was something in the back of his mind, a little niggling detail that he needed to address.

Reluctantly, Finn pushed him back enough to let them look each other in the eyes. Puck blinked in surprise. “Dude...?!”

“Puck... I love you.” He saw Puck’s face contort with disbelief at the usage of the word, the chickiness of it, but he barreled on through. “I love you, and I’m not doing this back and forth thing. Puck, if we’re going to do this, if we’re going to be together, you have to promise me that you’re not going to mess this up again.” He hoped, expected, prayed that Puck had learned the lesson, that he wasn’t going to do a back and forth routine of being with him one week and not another. 

Puck stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. “What is this, Finn? If you want to be with me, then let’s do this already!”

It hurt hearing him say that. Puck hadn’t changed. If some girl in a pretty skirt walked by, he’d put them through this all over again. Finn could already see it. If not Santana, it’d be Quinn again, or Brittany, or some other Cheerio, or maybe even just some girl who could intimidate him into chasing her skirt.

He shook his head. “I’ve already told you what I want, Puck. I want you. Only you, and I want you to feel the same way. And if you don’t... Then forget this.”

For a moment, Puck stared at him. For a moment, he almost looked like he was going to apologize and maybe even try to make things right between them. But then the badass came back, stronger and more powerful than ever. “All right, if you’re gonna be such a whiny bitch about it, forget it!” Puck turned and moved for his truck. 

Desperately, Finn wanted to chase after him, wanted him to turn around and admit he wasn’t able to drop his need to be the badass he made himself out to be, that he loved Finn too. Or he wanted to chase after Puck, tell him that he could learn to live with it, that even if Puckzilla the sex shark needed to keep screwing random people to survive, as long as he came back to Finn in the end. But he couldn’t. He wanted Puck to be his alone, that he and Puck would... be each other’s. Finn couldn’t change who he was and what he wanted.

And, sadly enough, it seemed that Puck couldn’t either.


End file.
